There is no better time
of year for a hunter than the time when the clouds from above part slightly, a
chorus of “Awww” fills the air, and a ray of sunshine beams down upon the
almighty Game and Fish Department the day that licenses are to be drawn and
posted at approximately 9:00± A.M. for all to see. Any person around a hunter at the time of
notification will experience the most unusual sighting for the day. The unusual sighting, mainly men, begins by the
hunter pounding his chest in complete ecstasy, ONLY if he gets what he had previously requested from the Hunting
Gods. Otherwise, all enjoyment turns to
turmoil as clenched hands go into pockets, kicking dirt, and a little cussing
because NOW, you gotta hunt general tags!
None-the-less, all hunting leads to the making of the first version of
the sacred HUNTING CHECKLIST.
There are many steps
taken to creating the well-calculated hunting checklist. Usually, the hunting checklists will under-go
many many many revisions. Sometimes, the
creation has comments like “see next page” or “page 2 of 7, plus back of pages”.
These steps all begin your insightful
reading into a Judy Blume’s novel. Only,
this is a short-story version by The Hunter’s Wife about a teenage boy about to
go on his first hunt. Oh wait a minute, hee
he hee, this story involves MY
husband, who is thirty something, but regresses into his teenage years as if
going on his first hunt, again, even though he has been hunting for 365 days
that year, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day…hence, the term horn-porn!
Here we go…as a young
man sits in front of the T.V. watching his favorite horn-porn, large red
Disney’s Cars pen in hand, b-b-q stains on his face because it is now after
dinner, his tongue sticking out in the right corner of his mouth, as he
concentrates while jotting down on a piece of crumbled paper that he found on
the floor by his side of the bed making his “Christmas” Wish List, I mean, version
one of the blessed HUNTING LIST. Here are the results:
Compare version one of the
holy HUNTING LIST to an example of any age female Dear Dear Diary entry. Even the sacred HUNTING LIST endures drama. For instance, you are going hunting, why do
you have to write down an item to bring such as your RIFLE & BULLETS? Remember-you are going HUNTING! Wouldn’t that be a gimme! Maybe a reminder of a knife perhaps for that
time during the big hunting day when you are indisposed and you forgot to grab some
toilet paper at four in the morning while getting ready. At least the knife would allow you to
effectively supply yourself with a much needed necessity.
No clue to the list
making ways. But because I am a good
wife, here is how I do MY
part to help my husband ensure that he has everything he needs for his many
weeks while off hunting. After he is
finished writing out the majority of his list; he usually decides to leave it
for many months prior to the big hunting trip on the counter by the kitchen
sink near the Epicenter of Stupidity, consciously annoying me. (Note: there will be another 3-5 revisions before the
final product and most hunting tags are given during the month of MAY. Depending on the area, elk, and deer hunting
permits usually begin the month of AUGUST, which is THREE months AFTER
MAY!) I write consciously because I politely ask him every
year he needs to find a home for his sanctified list. I can usually last about a week and even that
is pushing it. Yet, it continues to sit
there for days, taunting me.
As a result of the
taunting list, I begin to ADD necessary items to the list to include make-up,
Faith Hill Perfume, diapers, pacifier, stuffed animal, woobi/binny
(also known as a child’s favorite blanket), and the most important-tampons! It is always best to be prepared. J I am positive that he leaves it by the
Epicenter of Stupidity on purpose just to see how creative I can be with what
items make it onto the divine HUNTING LIST.
Currently, I am contemplating scratching out HUNTING LIST and replacing
it with HONEY-DO-LIST!
