Sunday, August 28, 2011

The UPS Delivery Guy and My Husband Are Having An Affair














        Stock-trading does not only involve guys on Wall Street dressed in some over-rated high dollar suites in close proximities, standing, and yelling gibberish into each other’s faces, while attempting to make some serious cash.  In the Mlinar house-hold, stock-trading is multiple simultaneous conversations, consisting of your husband on the Internet either on the family computer or on his new super-smart-space-phone, and a variety of other men seeking or making trades/sells/or requesting knowledge regarding anything related to toys & gadgets of the hunting world for any of the following:  guns, gun holsters, ammo, empty ammo cartridges for reloading purposes, hunting attire, movie recorders, sites, fletching, fletching tools, bows or arrows, etcetera, etcetera.
If you are still a little lost as to what stock-trading conversation is, let me help you develop a visual.  Stock-trading conversation consists of mainly men, envisioned to be safely nestled in their home; caressing their little diva-Chihuahua’s head as it sits in their laps; dressed in cut-off’s and a pink camo wife beater tee that reads, “Bring a GPS…it is awkward when you have to eat your buddies(1). These on-line conversations freely and openly allow the stock-trader to share their feelings while participating in a variety of discussions regarding hunting issues.  I am positive that at least ONE of those stock-trading conversational men has cried during a forum session!
To the non-hunter, forums should be compared to the Dear Abby columns that can found in your local paper where advice either good or bad is given to any individual(s) behind code-names, seeking knowledgeable advice from one individual.  However, stock-trading chats or forums involve groups of mainly men engaging in, in-the-moment conversations that range from giggling, joking, story-telling, and/or sharing helpful information & websites to tangible episodes of scratching, slapping, and/or hair-pulling.  Really, there is no difference between men and women when discussions are being made about their passions EXCEPT that men are more direct and any difference they have between one another can be resolved during a simple “hunting accident.”  I think that is what Vice President, Dick Cheney called it.
As a result of these sessions, the outcome is that almost every day, I will discover a new box, a letter, or a package either at the front door, on the kitchen sink, on the dining room table, in the front room, or possibly in the “man-cave” by the throne, if you get what I am writing!  Not to mention if I am the one, who is present when a box, a letter, or a package shows up at the house, the delivery guy goes out of his way to peer past me to see if he can find or make eye contact with my husband. There can only be TWO reasons for this obvious act.  Either my husband has found himself a new sugar-momma OR he is having an affair with the UPS delivery guy.  I can’t decide. One thing is for sure, I am NOT going hunting with my husband alone.  There has GOT to be witnesses!
 
(1) http://www.deergear.com/product/Mens/T-Shirts/Short-Sleeves/AWKWARD-TEE/pc/2431/c/2446/sc/2501/155206.uts?webSyncID=373cc67b-1c24-6397-c1d2-219904be9510&sessionGUID=c29d7719-b468-3a9d-0b28-5e711e4cd937







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