As a woman, I don’t enjoy shopping and I
don’t wear heels. My closet consists of 2
pairs of dress shoes; 8 pairs of various cowboy boots; 2 pairs of running
shoes; 1 pair of crocs; and a pair of tennis shoes. Comparing
this to my husband’s hunting attire, his wardrobe consists of possessing at
least 4-5 backpacks, 3-4 pairs of hunting pants, an uncountable amount of
hunting shirts, and let’s not forget the 4 pairs of hunting boots, which when
duct-taped together becomes our girls’ and my snow skis! Furthermore, his hunting accessories
out-number the contents that are in my make-up bag, which contain 2-eyeliners
and 1-mascara. Though, as I become more
familiar with the art of hunting, I have discovered that I thoroughly enjoy
watching the week-to-month long fashion show of attempting to decide which
hunting bag will be the dedicated pack for this year’s season.
It all begins with researching prior to purchase. Researching takes weeks if not months to
gather information from all the hunting forums in which a person is a member
of; to compare each story to the numerous places that potentially could be
holding the pack until the purchasing time.
Additionally, research is not an hour here or there. Nope.
Not when it is my hubby and hunting is one of four vital focuses of
life. Have I ever told you how I hate
the Internet and the availability of its endless access anywhere including bed,
late at night, when I am trying to catch some beauty-sleep in order to get up
for work the next day at 5± A.M.?
Nothing like going to bed with a night-light cast by my husband’s
smart-phone or his lap-top computer next to me; BUT on a positive note, I don’t
have to worry about the monsters in my closet or hiding under my bed! I am so glad my hubby is keeping me
safe.
Cost-this is a minor detail. The true research lies in the amount of
pockets that the pack holds for all the necessary survival and/or hunting items,
which theoretically could be utilized for this year’s season. BUT never fear, because the hunter WILL think
of “something” that MUST be designed and be attached (sewn) by the hunter’s
wife despite the number of pockets the pack has. For instance, a previous pack purchased
didn’t have the correct durability or extensions of the side straps. I am positive that this grandiose idea is
another way my husband likes to see how creative I can be. Sort of like the continuous, taunting,
sanctified hunting list with mysteriously added items for the week-long hunting
trip with Larry and Curly that sit by the Epicenter of Stupidity! Nailed it!
Next, a noise rating & zipper test-
I am not sure that “noise” rating is the actual term. I can’t say that I have actually seen any of
the tags on the pack stating “noise” rating, but I can tell you that diagnosis
is a crucial part when determining whether or not the pack will be utilized
during this year’s season. Diagnosis of
“noise” rating will be justified once the pack is purchased. In conjunction with the noise rating, there
is another vigorous test called the “zipper” test. The Zipper Test is also diagnosed once the
pack is purchased. These two tests are required
to be performed only when the hunter is wearing the selected pack. Both tests are dependent on the amount of contents
placed into the pack as it is being worn for hours as one walks around the
house; walks up & down the stairs or around the yard; and while crawling on
the floor, binos in hand, with the buffalo hide covering you. Those elk will NEVER see or hear you coming
with the hide on!
Two months later, the purchase & the
fashion show-FINALLY! Once the pack it purchased and arrives, the
fashion show begins. As I watch my
husband walk around the house, I am contemplating turning on up-beat music and
taking pictures so he can strut his stuff on the cat-walk, zipping/unzipping;
listening for noises; checking the body of the pack as it lies against his lower
back; bending forward; and moving his hips from side-to-side, pausing every
once in a while to allow the pleasing crowd to “ooohhhh” and to “aaaahhhh.” All I would have to do is supply the
commentary of, “this spectacular-pack is great for any early morning,
hunt-quiet, yet durable; or perhaps a mid-afternoon hunt; but most appropriate
for matching the evening hunting wear!”
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